Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
