i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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