We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There r osticjed everywhere
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
