In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
