You just made me feel so damn special
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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