Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
