I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
