I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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