This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
