Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
