I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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