Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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