i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
