my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
