you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
