Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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