So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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