So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
