At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
