I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
