so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
