I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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