I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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