Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
