My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
