I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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