Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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