saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
