have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
