I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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