and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
