Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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