I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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