In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
