I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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