yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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