I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
