Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
