is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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