i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
