do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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