I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
