You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
