So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
