Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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