I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
