Im at strip club and am horny
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
no you cant smoke seaweed
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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