At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
