your room smells of hookers.
And success
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
