I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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