this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
