Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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