New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
