So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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