Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
